How to get rid of perfectionism

So, if you constantly want to bring everything to perfection and you are nervous about not arranged alphabetically arranged books or a crooked newspaper on a coffee table, then this article will be very useful for reading. By the way, this also applies to those who have to face such people. Here, the very concept of perfectionism is described in detail, what are its roots, how to deal with a destructive habit and why the pursuit of an ideal has a bad effect on a person’s life.

What is perfectionism

In simple words, perfectionism is a person’s obsessive desire to bring everything to perfection. It is not just a love of order. It already speaks of the irresistible force to do everything perfectly, even when this is not required at all. The craving for perfection is inherent in every person’s blood, but sometimes it turns into a real mania and can lead a person to serious consequences. Therefore, you should be very careful about the first signs of perfectionism.

Where does perfectionism come from

Practically every psychological problem of a person arises from childhood. So perfectionism has its roots in the distant past. For example, when the oldest child is constantly accustomed to responsibility and order. And also he is forced to watch over his younger brothers and sisters.

It happens that a son or daughter fulfills their parents' unfulfilled dreams, for example, studying at a music school without interest or going to a drawing club without talent. In addition, there is such a thing as “excellent student syndrome”, this is when children try extremely hard to study, so as not to disappoint, putting their hope on their father and mother. Even a perfectionist can grow up from a child when he is little praised or, conversely, too much.

There is also a neurological disorder. In this case, a person lives in a fictional world of ideals, under which his whole life is adjusted. A perfectionist suffering from an inferiority complex compensates for his fictitious imperfection by purchasing the most expensive things or getting a prestigious job. A narcissistic inclination dictates its own rules, such a person idealizes his personality and believes that he should have only the best, in his opinion, he is superior to all people.

Types of Perfectionism

Self-directedwhen a person refers to his personality is very demanding and constantly improving in everything;

Waiting for the ideal from other people. For example, it may be a strict parent, dictatorial boss or trainer;

Social view, in this case suffering from perfectionism, is afraid to disappoint other people and society as a whole. For him, someone else’s opinion is extremely important.

Why perfectionism is bad

Perfectly done work is certainly good, but everywhere there is a measure. Therefore, a person who is constantly looking for perfection is gradually exhausted and turns into a real social outcast. You must admit that it’s not very pleasant to communicate with someone who corrects something hourly or requires excellence from another person in everything. Imagine that your boss will be constantly not satisfied with the work you have done or a colleague who periodically makes comments to you.

Usually, a perfectionist is perceived as a boring person and is not too eager to communicate with him or work in the same team.

Worst of all is a child who has to be under the watchful eye of a perfectionist parent every day.When an already good student should ideally prepare tasks for school, after school to play the piano, play sports on weekends. This is all good, but only in moderation, otherwise the “ideal hunter” will also grow out of the child. Children need to be given time for independent knowledge of the world and relaxation.

Another perfectionist loses a lot of time on an elementary task. For example, if you take a writer, he will most likely fail the customer in time because he spent most of his time searching for the perfect title for the book or title for the article.

Needless to say, that, first of all, a person striving for continuous perfection, only pretty harms himself both physically and psychologically. He is very rarely satisfied with the results and spends an important part of his time on unnecessary and unjustified actions.

How to recognize the signs of perfectionism in yourself or loved ones

1. The pursuit of incomprehensible ideals, which with all desire is impossible to achieve;
2. Dissatisfaction in oneself and in the work done, causeless doubt in one’s abilities. The painful feeling that he did not achieve something, did not have time;
3. Persecuted guilt for mistakes made, even if they were made because of another person;
4. An extremely painful perception of criticism from outsiders, a negative reaction even to a trifling remark;
5. Irritation and anger at any manifestation of imperfection, for example, books on a shelf or an uneven handwriting are out of order;
6. Constant evaluation of the work done, only "excellent" or "unsatisfactory", forgetting about the intermediate results;
7. Tight control over the life of your child;
8. Frequent scandals if the thing is out of place.

How to get rid of perfectionism

Before you get rid of the mania of perfection, you must admit to yourself and loved ones in this problem and fully understand the reason. For a person who suffers from perfectionism without a neurotic background, cognitive psychotherapy is suitable. Such treatment consists in some correction of erroneous beliefs. What you need to do to get rid of:

1. The most important thing is to realize that it is impossible to achieve the perfect result. It’s better to do well and on time than to come up with incomprehensible tasks and be behind everyone. Imagine how much time is spent on useless thoughts and actions;
2. To understand that quickly done work will help to improve every time, without unnecessary efforts;
3. There will always be people who will be dissatisfied with something, everyone has their own vision of the world, so you should not try to please everyone without exception. It is better to make critics your assistants, to hear them and understand what exactly is missing for self-improvement, but not to focus on the ideal result;
4. Set achievable goals and time frames that you need to meet in order to achieve an excellent result. For more motivation, it is advisable to devote close and dear people to your plans, then any work will go much faster;
5. Before starting work, set a condition for the task to be simply completed - no more, no less, without overfulfilling the plan;
6. Solve tasks only as they become available, do only what is needed here and now. Do not put things off or deal with non-existent problems. Remember, the faster you do, the sooner you will see real results;
7. The perfectionist parent should enable the child to do everything on his own, making mistakes from time to time. It is necessary to periodically praise your children, but do not go too far;
8. Share work with other people. Typically, a perfectionist does not trust the solution of any problems to an outsider, mistakenly believing that no one can do better than himself. It is necessary to overcome all doubts and see how to cope with the work (scientific project, cleaning the house) by a colleague or family member;
9. Concentrate solely on the work process itself. Thinking not about the result, looking for interesting aspects of the task;
10. Each time to analyze the situation. Often ask yourself questions: is it worth redoing several times, can it be better to see the result? Do I need to arrange a quarrel with close people because of incorrectly placed plates? Is it worth it to spend your time so that the writing in the notebook is perfectly even? Ask yourself daily suitable questions and answer them honestly, draw conclusions;
11. Make a to-do list for the upcoming day. Carefully re-read it and leave in it only really important and urgent tasks. So there will be no remorse that you did not do something or did not complete;
12. Arrange a rest once a week, completely relax, do nothing and do nothing;
13. Allow yourself to at least sometimes do something only 50%, some frivolous business, which is not affected by imperfection. For example, instead of the established rule, there is porridge in the morning, try something unusual for breakfast. Gradually, the realization will come that the ideal is not the most important thing in life;
14. Make a list of losses that have been suffered from excessive demands on yourself, on people and society as a whole. Perhaps these are friends who did not live up to fictitious expectations or a failed project that was not done on time. Think about how many scandals, losses and nerves were;
15. Write your fears, analyze them. If you are afraid of not being able to do something, then do the right thing on time and then guilt will not torment you;
16. Understanding that every mistake made is a unique path to success. You can learn from them, you can subsequently predict them.

In the case of neurotic perfectionism, things are much more complicated. Such people simply do not accept imperfection; for them, the search for the ideal is the main mission. Treatment is impossible without addressing the cause of the disease. A tremendous effort will be required to convince a person that his perception of the world is exaggerated and erroneous. This person is either too high of a high opinion of himself, or vice versa, not confident in himself, he needs the help of a specialist.

Outlining all of the above, the conclusion suggests itself: everything needs to be done in moderation.

Video: how to get rid of perfectionism (advice from a psychologist)