How to match the bride to the groom's parents

Modern young people, going to get married, often think about interesting wedding traditions. Many arrange a magnificent engagement before the wedding, and some go even further and arrange a matchmaking. The purpose of this ritual is quite simple - the groom asks the bride’s parents for permission to marry her.

A few centuries ago, this was quite a serious event, because often the only way girls learned about the intentions of the guys. Now this is a symbolic ceremony that allows parents of young people to get acquainted and solve all issues with the wedding. And for the bride and groom - these are pleasant memories for many years of married life.

Wedding customs

There were a great many wedding customs in Russia and often they differed from each other. Even in two neighboring villages there could be differences and superstitions associated with the creation of a new family. And to our days only the main customs have survived, which the Russian people adhered to for many centuries.

1. In Russia, matchmaking was always carried out as magnificent as the wedding itself.
2. Parents of the groom rarely acted as matchmakers, they were present only as guests. And the matchmakers were intermediaries who not only married the young, but often looked for the bridegroom. In this case, he saw her for the first time, only coming to get married.
3. As for the guests, a lot of people attended the matchmaking. There was also a tradition of inviting the most important people.
4. The whole ritual was carried out strictly according to the rules, which could not be changed. For example, matchmakers always brought towels, and the bride never sat at the table with the guests.
5. Matchmaking was not an easy beautiful ceremony, so at this time the issue of the wedding was actually being decided. And often the matchmakers came to the bride’s house several times, since in one visit it was impossible to agree on everything.
6. Various monetary contests that came up with bridesmaids were also mandatory. The groom must have participated in them.
7. Not without gifts, while the matchmakers gave them not only to the bride and her parents, but also to other relatives and girlfriends.
8. As for the bride, she could easily demonstrate her attitude to the groom with a broom. If she began to sweep the floor towards the stove, it means that she treats the young man positively. If she chalked to the door, it means she drove the matchmakers.
9. During the feast, the bride had to change her best clothes several times. Often, brides tried to show off their skills, for example, embroidery.
10. The groom at the matchmaking could easily be refused. As a sign of this, the bride presented him with a certain object, which it symbolized. Often it was a pumpkin or watermelon.
11. After the conversation, the matchmakers and the groom went outside and discussed the bride. At this time, her mother presented the young man with a glass of drink. If he drank the drink to the bottom, then the wedding will take place. If he returned back, only taking a sip, it means that he refuses to marry.
12. If the girl was an enviable bride, then the matchmakers might not receive an answer to their proposal. Then they could come again. Often, the bride’s parents, without initially giving any answer, could visit the groom and see what he offers to their daughter.

Tradition and Superstition

Conducting a modern ceremony often depends on which day the wedding is scheduled. Previously, in Russia they went to wed mainly in the fall, after harvesting. Moreover, matchmaking was almost always unexpected. And there were a lot of signs that made it possible to choose the best date. It was also believed that the matchmaking would be successful if you come after sunset.

Do not get married on Friday or Wednesday. And it is better to avoid the 13th, as it was not considered good to conduct a ceremony on this day. It’s better to come to the bride’s house in the first half of the month, and the ideal dates for this are 3, 5, 7 and 9 of the day. In any case, it is now customary to agree on the arrival of matchmakers in advance.

A huge number of other superstitions are associated with matchmaking in Russia. For example, the groom on this day should not meet and communicate with other people. Before entering the bride’s house, the young man always touched the doorpost with his shoulder and only then knocked on the door. And the matchmakers slammed the door three times, baptized the image, and only then began to speak.

It is interesting that our ancestors believed that during matchmaking, touching wooden objects brought success. Sitting at the table, the matchmakers tried from time to time to touch the table leg. If the bride’s parents consented to the wedding, they went around the table three times.

How is the matchmaking now?

A specific matchmaking scenario does not exist, so much depends on the imagination of the matchmakers. Parents of the groom do not have to perform this function; it is better to invite a professional matchmaker. Nevertheless, there are rules that should be followed if there is a desire to comply with all traditions.

1. The matchmakers should start the conversation with the phrase "You have a product, we have a merchant" and then praise the groom in front of the bride's parents. At this time, the girl's parents in a comic form doubt his merits and praise their daughter. The whole conversation takes place in a fun and relaxed atmosphere. The bride does not participate in the conversation, since at this time she is hiding in her room.
2. The matchmakers must convince their bridegroom to be the best. When this happens, negotiations begin at the table. At this time, the wedding of the young is discussed, etc.
3. The groom and the matchmakers present gifts to the bride's parents. It can be symbolic flowers and small souvenirs. Be sure to give flowers to the bride herself. At the same time, the issue of gifts should be taken seriously, not forgetting about the gift for the father-in-law.
4. There is no need to make a solemn event with a large number of guests out of matchmaking. This was accepted earlier, but now it is rather a small family event. You should not arrange a meeting in a restaurant. It’s enough to cook some treats.
5. If you wish, you can add the ancient customs. Matchmakers can bring embroidered rushnyk, etc.
6. The “inspection” of the bride by the matchmakers also takes place in a joking manner. But here it is important not to cross the line and not offend the girl, trying to bring down the price of "ransom".

Is it possible to get married without parents

If for some reason the parents of the groom cannot come to the matchmaking, the young man will have to do everything on his own. And therefore it is important not to lose sight of all the little things that can ruin this important event.

1. When planning to get married, the groom must warn the bride and her family about this. Coming unexpectedly in this case is bad form. And of course, you should take care of your appearance. It is not necessary to come in a tuxedo, but sportswear will not do.
2. Choosing bouquets for the bride and her mother, you need to try not to allow a strong contrast. The girl’s bouquet should be gentle and beautiful, and the future mother-in-law - a little more modest, but more elegant.
3. In addition to flowers, the groom can take care of the treats. Enough bottles of wine or champagne, as well as sweets. Arriving at home, it is better not to show them, so as not to demonstrate confidence that he will be accepted.
4. If there are no matchmakers, the groom must prepare his speech in advance. In this case, you do not need to talk about your feelings for the bride. It is important to talk about yourself, convincing future relatives that he is the best candidate for the hand of their daughter.
5. But do not take this too seriously, because the modern bride and groom themselves decide on the wedding. Therefore, it is better to praise oneself in a joking manner, not forgetting that this is still a symbolic ritual.
6. In no case do not need to calm down before the matchmaking with alcohol. Even if relations with future relatives have long been established. This is not the case when you can behave in this way.
7. If the groom’s parents were not at the matchmaking, the bride should pay a visit with him. In this case, it will also be useful to take care of gifts for the future mother-in-law and father-in-law. If desired, you can go on a visit with your own parents.

You should not arrange a celebration only for a "tick", as this has long been optional. But if you want to introduce your parents in such an interesting way, then matchmaking is an ideal option.

Video: how to make a bride